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. Christina Dobreva
Courting the Cogs


When you have only anger
I feel kinda strange. I feel abnormal. I feel used, wasted, forgotten, unforgiven, fucked up, pissed off. I feel you all. I know all of you. I know your fucking characters. I know all of your actions. Each one of them. I know what you are going to say. I know that, you are oh so predictable. All of you. You are stupid. You just are...the machine of life. You want to control everything or you just follow some stupid rules. Instead of trying to break them. And you just put up with these rules. All the time. You don't know what fight is. You don't want to fight against yourselves, right? And that's why you don't deserve to live the life I have. A life full of pain, but also full of feelings. Life with a lot of bad things and a life with Love. You don't know what that word means. And you will never know. You will always be so ignorant that you will never get out of this muddy taste. Because your taste sucks! Everything in you sucks. You think that you can be on the top of the world and control it, but you never will. Because you don't have anything. You have only anger and fucked up brain. Who cares what the brain brings? It brings useless thoughts. You don't follow your feelings and heart so you won't be truly happy. Never. The only thing you are doing is to pretend that you are more than us. More than the people with hearts. But you are not. You don't know what is to sing favorite songs every night, to think how lovely Love is when it's so hurtful that you cannot fall asleep. You don't know what is to pray to God to die. Because you don't want to die. You want to live eternally. And you don't know what the real life is. And you will never find out. As long as you're sitting there thinking that you are the best. You will always be animals. Working animals in the fucking big machine that is trying to mould me like you! It will never do! I will fight with my own strength! And you all will burn in hell!
Christina is an Indy Media International contributor and assistant to the British Council in Bulgaria



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Last updated: 23 Jan 2014, Hit Count: 1774